De-Escalate

Recently, I was in an event with about 6,000 other people, and the keynote speaker was Jack Canfield. Jack taught us many things from his best-selling book “The Success Principles”. One of the concepts that really stood out was a formula he shared which guided how to take personal responsibility, which was E, an event, plus R, responsibility equals O, which is outcome. So E plus R equals O. And what does that mean? It is not an event that happens to us that really makes a difference, It's how we respond to it. And by taking personal responsibility for the Response, we have control of the Outcome and you can improve it. On the flight home I was considering Jack’s formula. Almost every weekday I begin my day by journaling the people to whom I am grateful and the things I grateful for. I do this in a study group with a friend. One of the things we journal about in that study group is sending positive vibes even to somebody with whom I might have a disagreement. Well, I thought about a person who's very dear in my life, which is my wife. Occasionally, my day will be going along just great and seemingly out of nowhere she will throw a criticism at me for something. An example is on the golf course and we are playing together when she says, “Tuck in your shirt, your tummy is showing” because my shirt came out while I was swinging, or maybe I loaded the dishwasher incorrectly, or something of that nature. Another mentor of mine, whose name is Robert Dilts, in his book, “Coach to Awakener”, said that when somebody's criticizing you, there is almost always a positive piece to that because unless the person is evil, they are coming from a place of being helpful. If you view the Event through that frame and you are grateful for the help then okay, what is that criticism all about? I thought about it on the plane ride home from the event, in terms of taking personal responsibility, and I named it the Pistachio effect. Why the Pistachio Effect? Well, when you look at a pistachio, you wouldn't eat the outside of it. If you bit on it, the taste and texture would be terrible. But, when you open it up, there's the sweet fruit inside. Visualize the shell of the pistachio as the criticism, the sharp object on the outside. And if you just bit on it, it would be pretty bitter and be harsh on your mouth metaphorically and your psyche for real. Yet, if you open it up and taste the sweet fruit (the positive message) inside, well, there you go. So the principle basically is remembering when we are being criticized to pause a second or two, open the nut and recognize the positive message inside.

I don’t use the word “Every” lightly because it tends to be an exaggeration in many cases. Having said that, I believe it’s accurate to offer that literally every action has a starting point as an idea.